3 years ago...my my what 3 years brings

This is me 3 years ago....Was I happy? Yup....was I ecstatic? Probsly not...Did I love me? Yup....was I in love with me? nope....(the saving grace and really awesome thing was that Michael gave and had unconditional love to me, was in love no matter what size I was...he loved me for me and for that I know we are soul mates, best friends, lovers, and connected by some higher power) Did I keep busy and was active...YUP....Did I get my burn on ....? NOPE! DO I NOW? HELL TO THE YA! I SOOO DOOO DO DO! am I IN LOVE AND AS HAPPY A ALL HECK! YA BABY! I can say that this date 3 years ago as well as April 30th 08 are like a rebirth to me. On April 30th went to the first appmnt. with the nutritionist and MADE A PACT I WILL DO THIS...so from 4/30 to 9/29...9/30 I lost 40 lbs...ate better exercised did it all right...so from 340lns to 300 lbs there was still MORE to loose...taking on task and staying on task from 9/29/08 to NOW 9/29/11 I can say I am down 185LBS...I LOST a freaking grown man! loosin 185lns and being a normal 155 to me is like SUNSHINE IN A RAINSTORM! The feeling is over the top. This day makes me reflect and see how fah I have come and how I WILL STAY THE NEW REBORN ME FOR A LONG LONG TIME> I didn't do it alone that is for sure..I have so many to thank...I feel like I am on stage with an OSCAR lol lol the Oscar of life, a healthy happy new me life. The past month I have been exercising with a couple of women/exercising them to educated and help them get on a healthy track and it has made me happy and so useful in my own self, I have decided to go and get my certificate to be legit. Having a handful of people help lead me in that direction is great. I have gotten to see several avenues I can take and will soon make the choice of HOW I will go about this new endeavor. If you know me well enough I do not say stuff and then have no follow through. If I state something I DO! even at a larger weight I DO...I have always had the notion...don't state something if you are not gonna do it or follow through with it. SO I state right now that this is a route that I am looking into and will DO, it is a matter of making the right choice of road to take that makes most sense for me at this stage of the game. I am in this to WIN this....Hell I won .....what the heck...I AM WINNING! and I don't say that like the crazy Charlie S did I say that with total clarity! I AM PUMPED ...pumped to wake up every morn and BE ME! DO DO DO DO DO !!!!!!!!!!!! DOn't stop...DO! Love u! xoxoxoxoxoxo

oh well.......fix what's not broken

I guess FB was lookin to give more work to the employees. They have to do all this redesign stuff and then have everyone complain about it. So why not just keep it the way it was? No idea....even when several friends post about a topic like the SOX ...then a feed says all who wrote about the SOX>.....the FB gang must be havin the ultimate big brother fest over there in cyber land. Well we don't pay, we use it we DEAL!

things ya miss.....keepin busy!

Let me start out with...Ryan has ALWAYS like his mama been a morning person. He hits the ground runnin' when he wakes...wakes up with a pleasant attitude and has an extremely organized way to the start of his day. This mama likes that. In the morning also a lot like me he talks and talks...LOL know "I" know how it feels! lol lol He makes funnies and it puts a smile :D on my face with a lil of an eye roll too. That kid! So the thing I must say I do not miss about the mornings is Sir Grumps a lot coming out of his room with grumbles coming from his expression. LMAO! I miss his face, I miss seeing him everyday but he is a semi-bear. I know there is worse...some people are just plain old grumps...he is a semi-grump until he takes a shower. Michael not on Ry and my level of excellence of peppiness but still has a semi-good attitude when he wakes. I so wonder how Jessie, Stephen's friend for HS and now WIT roommate wakes. LOL If it is like Ry then S will just not be to fond a that! He would make his way to get some juice in the am and say to Ry FREAK! just b/c he was happy in the am. I can tell Ry misses that attention from his big bro despite it being negative attention. It was a morning routine that is just how it went! He would look at Bailey and mumble and then head to his room. I so miss the mornings with all 4 of us, 5 if ya count Bailey. I miss Stephen's wit at dinner time...oh how ironic he is going to WIT! hahahaha now that was wit witout intention~ lol....We text and talk every so often and when we chat for a lil bit I tell him just how much BAILEY misses him! I am gonna take B to his dorm room for a visit and he says "HELL NO!" I ask Ry have u talked with your bro at all? He says no...then he tells me something and I say you haven't talked to him how do you know this? He will say text and computer...SO literal this generation with the talking. I swear fone talkin these days really doesn't exist! It is all about the texting and IM'in on the comp! I always seem to keep busy but these days I have been makin it a point to be way more busy to fill in the time. I must say ....less laundry, less food when shopping, less dishes, less keeping the outside light on for him to come home is getting tolerable. WOW I was on the phone with my friend Teresa when I was food shopping and said I can not believe just how much less food I am getting since he is at school. I still went to the areas of the things I get for only S and I had to not get them. That was a bit weird..even things that I would have if Ashley was over here. Nope not getting those thing either. I got a text from her yesterday out of the blue and we were cracking up about her teacher and the teachers husband who mind you was MY EX HS BF! Unlike when S was away working in NH in Moultonborough she did not whine about how she misses him and blah blah blah LMAO! It was a fun upbeat text fest and it made me miss her being here ALL THE TIME a lil bit. So as I go off to ~KEEP BUSY~ I think of how differnt the am would of been with S here. I must say I miss him and Ry leaving for school and Michael and I having start our day time alone time! ut hey in a few years I will be crying more tears that my youngest baby is off and we will have so much alone time we may not know what to do with all of it! Maybe take up a hobby of extreme exercise blast the fat body sculpting HHAHHAHAHAHA hhhhhh aaaaaaa...or just up and move to HAWAII! yay baby HAWAII! xoxoxo Have a great day and SUnshine Stephie says//////the rays of sun come from with in...let your sun shine bright!

this and that!

A little of this and that was what I had when I got home from canning for a cause. A little salad a little cheese, some garden fresh tomatoes (DELISH I MIGHT ADD) sliced cukes....garden also....then I felt like after I needed to pick from not really eating today. I picked at some grapes, then at strawberries.granola..a few raisins, carrot sticks, a prune and dark chocolate....I felt like a grazer! at least it was good foods! Bailey was so excited when he got home to see his mama. :D love the pup reaction....Yesterday was more busy canning than today...every $ counts so it is worth all the time and effort b/c the $ helps fund much needed research towards drugs for finding a cure.
Get to make some bears and smiles tomorrow at the bear barn :D

Stories of inspiration and Hope!!!!!

Collecting today for a cause went very well. The stories we got to hear were so nice and hopeful. Don't get me wrong we heard some sad ones to and said with heavy hearts THAT IS WHY WE WALK AND FIGHT FOR A CURE! The last time Michael and I canned together on a median at a traffic light in Salem near SSC now SSU! He in his pink construction hard hat and vest (courtesy of Josie and Gene)and I in my HOPE attire. We did not get to converse with the traffic that came and went in seconds but today Caitlin and I had the pleasure to chat it up with people who felt the need to share and thank us for what we do. We so o not do it by any means for the thanks we do it because WE NEED TO FIND A CURE FOR ALL CANCERS! Money and research has come a long long way but we need to go so far to the point of a wall and that wall that we hit is A CURE! Seeing that in my lifetime will be miraculous! A GOAL of sorts for many I know and love. We did very well for the day and will be back there tomorrow...:D Funny I never knew the NH liquor stores sold only wine and hard stuff, no beer...I bet if they sold the beer we would of had a TON of foot traffic not that it wasn't steady. So off to get some zzz's to replenish my energy to be Sunshine Stephie and flash the pearly whites with a great BIG smile...I swear a smile may just make ones day...:D Smile because you never know what someone may be going through and that one lil smile may just help make them a little less put off...AND you're never fully dressed without a smile...in the words of ANNIE! :D ya don't wanna go out there half nakie now do ya?????

mail that is not a bill or junk mail

such a special thing to come upon unexpected mail that is sweet and fun! But bills so have to come...I guess lol I got 2 unexpected mailing today YAY!

Sent to me by a cherished long time friend who so "gets it" like I do...she is 4 years into the college thing...

Thanks Michelle for all the years we have chated and been on the same page with our parenting out look! Luv ya girl!

Editor’s note: Every year at the end of August, parents send their kids off to college. It’s exciting and liberating, but it’s a big change, too. Especially for parents.

When this column was first published in August 2006, we received letters and e-mails that said, “This is how I feel.’’ Since then, every August we are asked to rerun it. So here it is, dedicated to all those parents whose kids are just days away from being college freshmen.

I wasn’t wrong about their leaving. My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasn’t the end of the world when first one child, then another, and then the last packed their bags and left for college.

But it was the end of something. “Can you pick me up, Mom?’’ “What’s for dinner?’’ “What do you think?’’

I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, nonstop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow.

And then they were gone, one after the other.

“They’ll be back,’’ my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals, not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars.

Always is what you miss. Always knowing where they are. At school. At play practice. At a ballgame. At a friend’s. Always looking at the clock midday and anticipating the door opening, the sigh, the smile, the laugh, the shrug. “How was school?’’ answered for years in too much detail. “And then he said … and then I said to him… .’’ Then hardly answered at all.

Always knowing his friends.

Her favorite show.

What he had for breakfast.

What she wore to school.

What he thinks.

How she feels.

My friend Beth’s twin girls left for Roger Williams yesterday. They are her fourth and fifth children. She’s been down this road three times before. You’d think it would get easier.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without them,’’ she has said every day for months.

And I have said nothing, because, really, what is there to say?

A chapter ends. Another chapter begins. One door closes and another door opens. The best thing a parent can give their child is wings. I read all these things when my children left home and thought then what I think now: What do these words mean?

Eighteen years isn’t a chapter in anyone’s life. It’s a whole book, and that book is ending and what comes next is connected to, but different from, everything that has gone before.

Before was an infant, a toddler, a child, a teenager. Before was feeding and changing and teaching and comforting and guiding and disciplining, everything hands-on. Now?

Now the kids are young adults and on their own and the parents are on the periphery, and it’s not just a chapter change. It’s a sea change.

As for a door closing? Would that you could close a door and forget for even a minute your children and your love for them and your fear for them, too. And would that they occupied just a single room in your head.

But they’re in every room in your head and in your heart.

As for the wings analogy? It’s sweet. But children are not birds. Parents don’t let them go and build another nest and have all new offspring next year.

Saying goodbye to your children and their childhood is much harder than all the pithy sayings make it seem. Because that’s what going to college is. It’s goodbye.

It’s not a death. And it’s not a tragedy.

But it’s not nothing, either.

To grow a child, a body changes. It needs more sleep. It rejects food it used to like. It expands and it adapts.

To let go of a child, a body changes, too. It sighs and it cries and it feels weightless and heavy at the same time.

The drive home alone without them is the worst. And the first few days. But then it gets better. The kids call, come home, bring their friends, and fill the house with their energy again.

Life does go on.

“Can you give me a ride to the mall?’’ “Mom, make him stop!’’ I don’t miss this part of parenting, playing chauffeur and referee. But I miss them, still, all these years later, the children they were, at the dinner table, beside me on the couch, talking on the phone,

September Chill is in the air

Did I wake up and turn the calender to September ALREADY!???? WOW those summah months flew! Not only did the days fly by but the weather got less and less warm. The song time after time for some reason is playing in my head....go figure. Hope you all have a great day. I am sure like yesterday it will warm up a bit from this 63* wake up temp. Enjoy the sunshine that is shinin'! All my good vibes sending out there....xo <3 Sunshine Stephie! xoxoxox

as college drop off comes closer

It is coming with in the next 24-48 hours....the storm moved back the move in times and dates so we will be e-mailed soon of the exact time. As we shop and eat our last few meals together I can see the boys being so silly more and more...I can tell S will miss R just by the things they are doin together. I came across this pic of Stephen and Justin,,,,the oldest grandchild and the youngest. I so can recall S at his age I swear it was just last year...but nope 18 years FLEW by in a blink....I still feel 27 sometimes and have to keep tellin myself I am 40 and he is 18 and Ry is 16....I don't have lil ones still. but to a mama you always do. I cried a good cry this morn and I had not planned on it but I came across an essay S wrote for one if his entry essays for Wentworth app. I never really saw the app essays and it was in paper work I was goin through to see what we needed to keep and what we didn't///No I WAS NOT BEING NOSY! JUST OCD clean it out...lol and it was about....his mama and how he looks up to her in many ways and see how much she fights and cares for many causes. Needless to say what he wrote made me melt, made me happy, made me cry, made me have a trove of emotions that the past 18 years were to me the BEST JOB I COULD OF EVER HAD EVER! BEING A MAMA! I cherish the 3 years well 2 when you think of it till Ry turns to "adult" age. After walking into his room and seeing all his belongings being ready to ship off to a new place he will live and lay his head at night I had to just take a deep sigh, cry and know he IS my baby no matter what age he is and no matter where he will be living. So to the mamas who have many more years to have their babies with them night after night...cherish every single minute....it flies by and it will be 18 years later and you will say...WHERE DID THE TIME GO! Love and blessings to all your babies out there. xoxoxo <3 Sunshine Stephie!

weird

just weird....crazy kind of weird...A friend said sometimes it is the UNIVERSE trying to tell you something...WEIRD~! blank but not blank...weird. Me loss for words? I guess...

What made your day today???????

Mine was made when Austin double handed blew a kiss. He is so funny with the kisses. I <3 this kid, he makes my day! When I first got him, still a very pleasant lil one, now he is just a ham who smiles and laughs and only cries when you have to wipe his nose or face! :P sorry buddy I say and wipe the dried baby yogurt away! 1st pic is when I got him lil and my has he grown....2nd pic!

I have no right to even remotely B*TCH that I can't do cardio!

http://mybiggirlpants.blogspot.com/2011/08/huge-blow.html?spref=fb
fellow Breast Cancer A** Kicker/Blogger!
Bridget you make me realize just how Putting your BIG GIRL PANTS on makes such a difference! Prayers to you girl, love and thanks for making sure we END cancer once and for all! xoxoxoo Love u!

just thinin' out loud again

If you were told not to brush your teeth for 7 days would you be pissed? I know I would....well I am equally p-ed off that I can not do cardio for about that amount of time!!!!!!! UGH! For the past 3 1/2 years that just like putting on deorderant, washing up, brushing teeth and hair has become a daily part of my life. I feel incomplete in the day if I don't. I also do it many times a day. This bites. Last night I did do some stretches to keep the muscles limber. I DID NOT over do it. I had to make Michael understand that I was OK! I am listening to the doc and I did so much extra iron intake today as well as Saturday and Sunday. I just want to EXERCISE! AHHHHHHHH
On a different note...Nana T no changes, still holding on. It is sad, her Alz meds taken away so she can have pain meds to keep her comfortable and she consumes the bare minimum to sustain her. Like Michael's Nana Martha we went through this same thing. They say it could be soon and then the body per say hangs on. Speaking with the very knowledgeable, handsome Doctor John, oldest Raftery brother he made a good point in when we were discussing Nana T. We saw her and without the Alz meds she is totally not with it. Pains to see her like that. SIGH!
As for the "baby" of the house....Bailey was so sweet on Saturday...he stayed by my side every minute of the day. He is always very sweet but that say I think just knew something is up. This womnen NEVER stays in that bed...What gives is the look he had with his lil head tilted to the side. I love having a pup,,,,who knew I would ever say that in life! LOL LOL I will never forget Nana T saying why didn't you get a cat, I like cats better when we took B to see her for the first time. That Nana T loved her Snowball! crazy ars cat! lol
As for the continuing of hugh iron consuption....drinking my kale,beet leaf, half an apple, spanach juice...YUM! NOT! lol even I am chocking it down. It has to be really cold to taste half decent. When I take a sip I wiggle a bit and make a funny face...I don;t even do that with WG! so ya know it must be nasty! LOL Off to make some salad for the troop and my honey will be grill master with hopes the rain holds out! Happy Monday Eve all xoxoxoxo Just thinkin' out loud!

Am I in the "RED".....I sure hope sooooo!!!!!!!!

I guess I will find out tomorrow eve if my red blood count went up. It sure better have. After getting an all day "needed" blood transfusion Friday at Bev. Hospital DEMANDED by the head doctor at my PCP practice after seeing that my count was under 3, so low she said she wanted to admit me to the hospital but there were no beds so I was lucky to be at the "day care" unit area. I listened to her and rested ALL day yesterday, I am not allowed to do 5 days of cardio! AHHHHHHH to that...Hey she never said light weight lifting now did she! Also the doc, lab and unit nurses could not even believe I was functioning and had the energy I had with numbers that low. I said "WHEATGRASS" lol lol ......Really the frantic call on Thursday from the doc made me look at the phone and ask do you have the correct person. I am not out of breath, she claims when I exercise I should be short of breath, or walk up stairs do I pant...AHHH NOOOOO I lost lots of LBs....Really doc I no longer pant. So she said I am demanding you to this, this is a stroke waiting to happen since the red blood count is so low and the o2 needs to flow ot the heart and brain. Well I listen to the docs and do what they say! I felt so lazy and ick yesterday due to the fact that I HAD to rest and stay in bed or more so not do anything. I still did some stuff not a lot of effort was needed but had the need to do something. I am off to do some things today, still gonna take it easy b/c I LISTEN> Told to stay out of the sun....now that is funny ...considering it is so beautiful and sunny today as it was yesterday BUT I DID! Looking forward to knowing what the numbers went up to. Have consumed every possible iron rich food the past 2 days with hopes that also helps...I ALWAYS eat iron rich foods...non meat ones so I am like wth ...absorb already! Off to get some liquid iron that makes my skin crawl...but once again ..when the docs say to do it ...who does it??? YUP ME! I LISTEN! have a great day...hope your "reds" are deep, dark and full of sh*t...opps I mean IRON! LOL LOL xoxooxox

a 3 day world

A world without breast cancer....or any cancer for that matter...That is why we do what we do! I so do not know where to begin. I have many stories but not much energy to put into my writing right now. I will be sure to post later about some funny and touching stories. I do have the need to thank my husband and son for taking part in my passion that I know think has transcended to a passion they now have. I always had their support but to be there beside me it really makes all the difference. Stephen said on the ride home...sign me up for next year and the next year I want to be a Men With Heart <3 Walker...he makes me proud..he seems to think that he will wait for his brother to walk. Michael when we were packing up the Pink tents at 445am yesterday stopped me looked me in the eye and said I think these events make me a better person. That took me to a warm place, not that we were not already hot as all heck but the tears started and my insides felt all good to hear that. We will NEVER STOP! WE WILL NEVER STOP! we will be involved in any way shape or form to be apart of the END to cancer! Everyone Deserves a Lifetime! xoxoxoox

on a positive note!

When something just pops in your head like a whisper from you don't know who! I started to get up and make dinner....I looked in the cabinet to get pepper where my herb teas also are...well then I see the regular tea bag. I swear Nana drank at least 4 cups of black peoke tea a day! A lil dap of milk in the mornings tea and the rest of the day black! She was predictable with her eating too. Ate the garlic and rapi in EVOO all the time.....maybe an egg with it but mostly plain with a piece of Italian bread. For dinner always the "greens"///I never knew how she could eat the "greens" so blah! She would flash them and then put more freaking garlic ....LOL at the time I HATED the taste and smell of that crap...now I think I am her..garlic is the killer of all jerms Stephie ..UGH! LOL LOL I guess you have to think it must be freaking good for you. Looking at the tea I realized NEVER was she sick. Disease free for years....until the dimensia set in like '95. She never got sick...Had a headache now and then...wore her vics in the winter to "not get dry nose Stephie" and really was never sick. I fight to find an end to all cancers and hate that people get sick ect and have to battle illness but really to be that age and not have to see a doctor or not have to deal with an illness says something.She lost much of her site to macular degeneration 1995, but never had an illness. There are many people that battle everyday to stay well and get well....I WILL fight no matter what to make sure diseases are stomped on...but in the life of my Nana....WOW! really to not really have a problem and get sick until you are like 74 that says something.

~The love of a Nana~

Nana's have this special kind of love that may not even have enough words to describe it. If you know me well enough you know how I regard MY NANA T! ......she means the world to me! Raising me and giving me her values make me a lot of who I am today.Her decline the past years and more so the past months is so sad..Like I posted before Alzheimers SUCKS big time...sucks the life out of the person that it effects and sucks major life out of the family members too. Gettin word today that her decline is very very bad and that her days may be numbered due to her inability, due to her disease to consume enough food and drink I am heart broken. Do I in the real world know that death happens, ? yes...do I realize at 90 and ill you will not live on forever? YES! But that still doesn't help with the sting of what is yet to come. I feel in a fog now, a limbo of blahness.....I stay strong talking to the home and give a call to get info on making arrangement's for maybe a pending service. I get the reality of life and death. But hey ya can't fault a girl for being emotional....That is life. Love to you Nana Theresa...you will always be so beautiful to me, body and spirit!

Some basic 3 day rules to live by.......

♫WHO ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?♫ or ♫Won't you be my neighbor♫ come to mind when thinking of the sea of pink tents that will be our weekend home for our 3 day campfest! To be respectful....rule one:when going into and out of a port a pot (yay) hold the gosh darn door....those things slam like you can't understand...the noise of doors banging any time of day let alone in the dark early morn hours is just not nice....HOLD THAT DOOR! Rule two:flip flops are great but when camp is dark and quiet after all the dancing and giggles lay to rest DO NOT walk to those port a pots with flip flops...they make that flip flop noise and you can hear them in the distance too. Just a lil heads up on the RULES OF BEING A GOOD 3 DAY TENT NEIGHBOR! Hey and we ALL know this SUNSHINE STEPHIE LOVES to follow rules...AND would never want to be "camoing" in a tent unless it is on the 3day in a PINK one! :D SEE YOU ALL SOON NEIGHBORS!

GO TEAM!

What is a Team?

Definition | References

Teams differ from other type of groups in that members are focused on a joint goal or product, such as a presentation, completing in-class exercises, taking notes, discussing a topic, writing a report, or creating a new design or prototype.

Here is one of the most commonly cited definitions:

"A team is a small number of people with complementary skills who are committed to a common purpose, performance goals, and approach for which they are mutually accountable." (Katzenbach and Smith, 1993)

Similar definitions of a team include:

"People working together in a committed way to achieve a common goal or mission. The work is interdependent and team members share responsibility and hold themselves accountable for attaining the results." (MIT Information Services and Technology)

"A team is a group of people working together towards a common goal." (Team Technology, 1995-2006)

"A group in which members work together intensively to achieve a common group goal." (Lewis-McClear & Taylor 1998)

" A Team is a group called the "PINK ANGELS"
PINK ANGELS ARE A TEAM! WE WLK BECUASE THE JOURNEY DEMANDS IT!
(thank you Nancy B for pointing this out)

YAY! get to go to work and be Bearific!

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/bestcompanies/2010/full_list/

Love working for BABW! Honored that we are on the Top 100 Companies to work for list 3 years in a row! That says something. Off to make a smile and hopefully make a life long friend for someone! GREAT BIG BEAR HUGS XOXOOXO <3 Sunshine Stephie Bear, Master Bearbuilder!