A visit with Nana T

On Sunday we went to visit Nana T at the home. It was much more busy than the other times we go I am sure b/c of it being Palm Sunday. Since she can not come out for the holiday like she used to we plan on going again on Saturday and bringing a few Easter cookies and pizzagaina. We last saw her 2 weeks ago and like I stated before 2 weeks makes a hugh difference in her decline. I try to rationalize that if I stay away it lets her hang on longer to wait to see us again. I guess that is wishful thinking. She was pretty with it after she woke up and cleared the fog away. She said my name in an Italian accsent the way her mother used to say it "ASTAYFANY" and said Great Nonna used to call me that. Things like that make a tear come to my eye. It is weird when she brings up things from the past then forgets 2 mins ago. I guess those are the traits of the disease. The last 3 times we brought cookies she had no desire for them and even said they were not good so the one time I don;t bring them she asks for them. Now I feel bad and reassure her I will bring pizzales next week. She aslo asked for the anis cookies. She used to make them awesome. I mean AWESOME! She asked if it were snowing and we told her about it being April. She remembered her sisters birthday was in April and that Michael and I got married in April. I told her it would be 15 years in a few weeks and she said it can't be that long we are still babies......lol She did point out that Micahels hair got "very salt and peper" lol lol lol ////And why is my hair so short? I turned around to show her that it was rather long I justed pulled it back. She let us know that her eyes are getting worse and that she may have to stay in the home for the rest of her life and we have to realize that. I think by her saying that she wants to make herself realize it. I do want to have a talk soon about how it is ok to let go and do what she needs to I guess more on. I can so tell she hangs on to life despite her body and mental decline. I really thinks she knows the end is near and wants to let me be able to come to realize it. She asked how "the nanas are" to Michael meaning his gradmothers, they as differnt as they were liked to be at events together at our place. They both passed on quite some time ago and I know she was told. So Michael said they were not here and I interupted with a change of subject b/c I know how she reacts to hearing of ones passing I did not want her to relive the news. Of course I taped his foot like ....ugh........The second we got on the next subject the train of tought was gone. She still makes her funnies and we do have some good laughs when we see her but just as many laughs we have sadness with what she tells us or what she babbels and makes no scence. On Saturday I told her I have a purple hat for her for the wall and she was like I am not dressing up in an Easter bonnet...lol I said no for the wall............She let me knwo I shouldn't spend Michaels hard earned money on things for her. Is she a trip. Not MY hard earned money, Michaels. She asked if the bank was still there and said it was around for a long time, the one M has worked at for 20 or so years. She said that Joe was so nice. We racked our brains and could not place a "Joe"...It could be anyone but she may just said Joe. It is a tricky thing when we go to see her we never know what to expect.