It sucks to see your loved ones get old...

As you all know I am an extreamly positive upbeat always happy gal. (Maybe not when it snows and we have to be somewhere) I am very excited that Christmas is coming and lots of joy is on the way back in the back of my mind I can not stop thinking of Nana T. Thanksgiving was the first Holiday that she had to stay in the home. She is in an Italian/Catholic famous nusing home. (on the hill is a hugh cross and the Madonna Nation Shrine graces the Don Orione Home, it is on the way to Logan Airport: all you have to say is the lighted cross on the hill and people say "oh thats what that is") She has been there for 7 years now and was able and with it up until recent. We would have fun going to lunch with her in Wintrop ( the place I mentioned that Normie and I would go to as young gals) for chicken cutlet parm subs. She swears up and down the food is horrible in the home. I am sure it is not the best but it is really not bad for nursing home standards. She went in there an average size older woman, she was always really slim and put together. One year after being there she gained tons of weight from eating all the cookies and candies as well as goodied we would take to her. Funny that we had to buy new clothes (bigger sizes) and donate her slimmer clothes to the other women who may still fit in them. These days she has lost her will to eat and claims everything is aweful, even her beloved jelly beans. She could eat them by the pund and knew when we would buy the cheep ones and not Jelly Belly Brand. Seven years ago we had to come to the realization sh eneeded all day care b/c she lost her site to something degeerative blah blah ....She had very little worng with her and was the one at the Don that took care of all the other ladies and men that we so worse off than she was. This August the nurse told me she is not the same Theresa like before and do not expect it to get any better than this. Well I am sad to say it has gotton so so so very worse. It is a heart braker to see the women who let me drive her car with a permit and take me here there and everywhere growing up and now is in a constant state of cluelessness.......She is confused when we see her and is so frail that you are scared to touch her in fear you may bruse her. On Thanksgiving morn I left there with a waterfall of tears knowing she HAD to stay there and not be with us b/c we were told we can not risk taking her out of there anymore b/c of her psyical and mental condition. Every year she comes here for Christmas dinner. The last time she was here we had her 85th birthday party at my house with a few close family members last Jan. 31. Since that time we took her out 2 x's and it was a very argous task with her condition and came to the realization it is just not possible. I feel so mean to leave her ther on the holidays and it breaks my heart that we go for a while then have to say bye. Every tim eI hear the song "I'll be home for Christmas" it takes my mind to the place of no she won't/////It is killing me mentally. I have to be strong and remember old age happens and it is a part of life. It is out of my hands. But I refuse to like it not one bit.....I am sure all of you have seen it, it sucks to see your loved ones get old! (Sorry for the harsh word SUCKS>>>>>but no other adj could express how I feel...